Idea of Her 

All the words in the world
wouldn't have made her stay
obviously she didn't care enough
I suppose that’s ok.

No matter how much I loved her
no matter how much I cared
she didn't feel the same for me
my heart couldn't be repaired.

It was her I wanted and needed
I really thought she was the one
the pain I feel
is exquisite and real
now I’ve come undone.

Maybe it was more the idea of her
I was looking for the girl of my dreams
and I knew from the very beginning
that I'd come apart at the seams.

I don't hold any animosity towards her
no anger resides in my busted heart
I wont ever be able to forget
deep in my soul we will never part.

 Places I've Been

 Places I've been
and faces I've seen
many young and old
the stories they told
the love they shared
in wards where we cared
their words we heard
we gave comfort
through the night
telling them it would be alright
but sometimes it wasn't
and when their moment came
we would whisper their name
as they breathed their last
we held their hands till they passed
because nobody deserves to be alone
we would walk home and go to sleep
the sorrows we’d keep
wake up to do it all again
all the women and men
from Seafield to Crewe Road
at the Royal we showed
a smile
and a tear
we fought battles against fear
some won
many lost
ignoring the cost
in the war never-ending
for the faces I've seen
in the places I've been.

Verge 

I'm constantly on the verge
of a fucking disaster
an escape from my brain
dissolve the blame
be happy again
is what I'm after.

I'm always a minute away
from being pushed
over the line
I'm not fucking fine
it's all the time
I'm tired
I need a fucking break.

And the worst thing I can think of
never fucking happens
not once
not at all
but I don't stop
I can't stop
I'm like a shark
dead eyed and swimming.

Sleepless and dreamless
I toss and turn
acid burns
reflux rewards
and for a moment
just for the tiniest amount of time
I think I'm ok
everything is fucking fine
till the morning comes
the thoughts return
I feel like fucking jumping.

 Leith Walk Love

Love on Leith Walk
man
the distance from Pilrig
to London Road
measured in heart metres.

Our first pub drink
with Joseph Pierce
an auld man's pub in 84.

Cozy cotton wool nights
spent in her attic room
love nest love.

Fridays sat steaming
in the Stage Door
pint of Special
and a Bacardi and coke.

Stumbling home
hands held tight
puffing up the stairs
and spending the night.

Golden Lion afternoons
Marinellos nights
in love
in the Volunteer Arms
pool cues and kisses.

All good things end
don't they?

Ours did
no more love on Leith Walk.

 Loved Up

Lazer guided love hearts
rose coloured red for you
fired from my soul
targeted with love
heart shaped and true.

Brain buzzed and hot fuzz
endorphin flushed and free
walking on air without a care
thinking about you and me.

Morning madness disappeared
replaced with something new
a glowing ember radiating love
keeps me warm with thoughts of you.

Night time lust wrapped in each other
eyes on fire
moist with desire
fireworks explode in our head
morning light
breathes new life
clinging to each other in bed.

Constant craving of kissing lips
missing each other day and night
phoning
texting
sexy sexing
loved up it and feeling alright.

High above Uig we sat
staring across the bay
young and in love
on a summers day
buttercup lips
and dandelion kisses
on a foxglove bed
my heart it misses.

Outside/Inside 

On the outside
looking in
where everything ends
where it all begins
wrapped in brown paper
my feelings tied
asking the question
no answer supplied.

On the inside
looking out
fear of failure
runaway doubt
paper teeth
and cardboard grin
mincemeat for brains
heart of tin.

On the outside
looking in
wish fulfilment
nail scratched skin
where the start ends
and the end begins.

On the inside
looking out
tear tracked cheeks
quivering mouth
life of hope
running down the drain
never enough to remove the stain.

Small Things 

It's the small things I miss
Morningside mornings
bed hair
cheek kisses
her smile
and the colour of her eyes
a quick call
to say hello
and goodbye.

I miss being in her Beetle
driving to Inverness
listening to music
and singing out loud
those times were the best
holding her hand
on the way to work
her laughing at my stupid jokes.

The small things are huge
now Lisa's not in my life
separated
by time and space
the small things missing
and the pain
cuts like a knife.

If only
I could say I'm sorry
if only
she’d let me apologize
she's with someone else
sharing the small things
and I'm the one with tears in my eyes.

 Big Guy

 He was a big guy
young too
a miner
I think
but the drink
got him
like it does
some folk.

 His liver
and kidneys
gave up the ghost
we dialyzed him
the only way we knew
too little
too late
too bad.

 A scene from
a B horror film
buckets of blood
real not fake
the more we
pushed in
the more
poured out.

 We kept on
that's what we do
red tears
and red hands
truly terrible
for us and
his family.

 Meadows
my saviour
green not red
and windy
branches swayed
and saved
life goes on
and on
we go
another day
another patient.

Satellite

I'm a satellite
circling the globe
I'm starlight
distant and always
a heavenly strobe.

I'm a satellite
transmitting data
love and loss
happy and sad
good and bad.

I'm a satellite
man made and cool
lonely and living
a hard driven fool.

I'm a satellite
living my life
finite and faulty
trouble and strife.

I'm a satellite
ever present and unseen
your life mine
God fearing and obscene.

I'm a satellite
looking for love
from the heavens above
hand in glove.

We're all satellites
passing in the night
moments in time
yours and mine.

I'm a satellite
and I cannot stop
until I drop
from the sky
to die.

Just Because 

Just because we are not together
doesn't mean we can't think about
each other with a loving heart.

Just because we share our life with another
doesn't mean we can't dream
even though we are far apart.

Just because our time together
was intense and briefly sweet
doesn't mean our connection was lost
you still make my heart skip a beat.

Just because decades have passed
and we will never see each other again
doesn't mean I will forget about you
your memory will never end.

Just because we love our partners
doesn't mean we cant love each other too.

Just because we will never touch
doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Just because my heart will stop beating
doesn't mean my love for you will die
we are eternal and love is unending
my feelings for you are transcending
beyond reason and comprehending
this I want you to know.

Quasar 

She was my quasar
my love for her
supermassive
and extragalactic
her bright heart
shone across the universe
illuminating all that's dark
black holes white.

Her gravitational pull
trapped me for an eternity
free floating
in time and space
my atom heart heart love
stardust breath
and soul supernova
billions of years in the making.

Skye My Skye

Sunny summer days
and long summer nights
azure sea and powder blue sky
Linicro beneath starlight.

Foxglove purple
scent in the air
running down the hill
without a care.

Treacle scones and new potatoes
soaked in creamy butter
a certain girl from the year above
set my heart a flutter.

Uig dances and the Bakur Bar
sneaking vodka in the Ferry Inn
trying to score
in the Gathering Hall
most of the time
my luck wasn't in.

Getting thrown off the school bus
more than a few of times
Totescore with my pals
we're all feeling fine.

Lifting peat and making hay
wishing summer would never end
Argentina 78
no World Cup for us my friend.

Uig Hotel
working hard
making beds and cleaning rooms
drunken nights and hungover mornings
the summer garden in bloom.

First love
all consuming
kissing and cuddling in Cuil
tins of Special Vat Cider
afternoons playing pool.

Uig nights
the summer of love
intimately close and caressing
life on Skye
Portree High
every Linicro day a blessing.

In Me

It's in me
in the air I breathe
the oxygen that circulates
my body
my blood
my bones
my Scottish heart.

My Father's eyes
mine
now my Son's
his spirit
surrounds
abounds
Glasgow belongs to me.

My country
in me
wherever I roam
a long way from home
it defines me
it reminds me
the hills and the heather
my Highland soul.

My Mother's spirit
indomitable
my Daughter's smile
my Sisters
my Brothers too
Edinburgh my home from home
a love letter to Auld Reekie.

And Skye
my Skye
I'm a Skye guy
always was
always will be
from the desert
to Portree
Linicro to Uig
the Island
my Island love
now
and forever
will be.

 Closes

Herring bone and cobblestone
tenement towers
and ghosts
creepy lanes
and hidey holes
High Street
Wynds and Close.

On a winter's night
under a starless sky
street lights
and night sights
Covenant Close as silent
as the dead
drunken bodies
inviting alleys
Fleshmarket black and red.

Toddrick's Wynd
hard to find
even in the light of the day
wee windows for eyes
what's behind them
a surprise
sandstone stained
and slate grey
Cant's Close could if it wanted
snaking towards the Cowgate
Fountain Close
has no water feature
unless the Royal Miles in spate.

Hundreds of years
thousands of lives
have lived
laughed
and loved
under clouds
thick with stoor
the rich and the poor
pavements grotty
and gross.

Spirits old and new
folk like me and you
still walk through
every Wynd
Court
and Close.

 Great Western

A coal fire red sky
flexed across Mother Glasgow
a summer wind
ran down from the Campsie Fells
cooling foreheads
of hot and bothered Glaswegians
not sure if I still fell into that category?

Standing on the Great Western
watching the sun
watery and warm
the road was busy as ever
a Saturday evening
people had places to go
don't you know
not me
though
I was going nowhere
faster than before.

A sad looking lassie
sat beside a sad looking dog
outside Kelvinbridge Underground
ignored by everyone
including me
a collective no spare change.

Leaning over the bridge
looking down to the Kelvin
free flowing
fast and freezing
could've ended the misery
could've jumped
didn't though
I was wearing my new trainers.

Scrolling through my phone
I found her number
didn't call her
wanted to
she was the only person
I ever wanted to speak to
desperately missing
her face
her form
I’ll never speak to her again
her voice
will no longer grace my ears
I deleted her number
she’s with someone new now
she preferred to be with anyone but me
the Kelvin called my name
I turned and walked home.

She Didn’t 

She didn't make me happy
it wasn't her fault though
it was mine
she didn't make me feel good
I was too fucked up
at the time.

She didn't want to spend
her life with me
and that I understood
she wanted me and I wanted her
but I was incapable of feeling good.

She didn't want to hurt me
my heart was pummelled to fuck
she didn't want to give me her love
between a rock
and a hard place
I was stuck.

She didn't need me
I was desperate and sad
she didn't want to see me again
and it drove me fucking mad.

She didn't want my love
her love was for her alone
she didn't make me happy
and she left me on my own.

 Gloaming

An extra large
ember red sun
dipped it's flames
on the surface of the Forth
the rail and road bridges
onyx black
rippling.

The sky above the city
magnificent and neverending
a melange of burnt orange
and air force blue
vivid
and intensely bonnie.

Edinburgh gloaming
a time for roaming
Streets
Closes
Roads
and Wynds
absorbing the past
mindful of the present.

Half-life yellow streetlights
flicker into life
the last of the office workers
stare out of bus windows
wishing for bed
and a pay rise.

The Old Town
and the New
sigh
bones settle for the night
kitchen life lights
inviting and warm
delicious dinners
prepared by hand
and microwave.

There is no darkness
only night light
keeping the ghosts at bay
our Castle
stone solid and faithful

watches over us

a Pentland wind blows the day away.

 Ups and Downs in Edinburgh Town

Auld Reekie wasn't all hearts and flowers
and happy hours
skipping through the Meadow's with glee
that wasn't me
well maybe
the Festival of 89
but that was a one off.

More often than not
I froze my butt
in Bruntsfield
walking
working
at the Royal
early's
lates
and
nights
not easy
when you had
a life to lead
and lust to feed
but I needed the money
honey.

There were days
when I didn't want to leave my
Bruntsfield cocoon
my big bedroom
there I was safe
I could hide from life
failed love and all the that guff
my sanctuary when it all
got too much.

I'd lie on my sofa
staring out the dirt streaked windows
waiting
hoping
for an answer
though none would come
just the wind whistling
between the trees
swaying and dancing
leafy and green
putting me at ease.

Not everyone is as happy as they look
not me
not by a long stretch of my limited imagination
happiness is just an allusion
or is it?

It was up and down
down and up
my life
no different from most
well
maybe just a wee bit
I did a lot of lying
a lot of trying
sometimes succeeding
if you know what I mean
that was me
my life
my strife
no different from you
well maybe
the lying
and the trying
but you've got to try
haven't you?

 (Lost) In the Old Town

My soul got sucked
into the heart of darkness
after midnight
in the Old Town
Haar head
and rubber legs.

Through alleys
Court's and Wynds
I tried to find myself
in amongst
ghosts and ghouls
it wasn't cool
outside a stair
without a care
my psychotic lair.

And I crossed a line
on the High Street
travelled to
an alternate dimension
one where she was still mine
and I was happy
for a time
didn't feel so crappy
until I woke up
well after nine.

My mind was lost
in a Close
and no matter
what I did
I couldn't find it
absorbed into stone
my bones seeped home
sad and alone
finally free to submit.

Cortisol Awakening Response 

Cortisol
the enemy within
penetrates
everything
covered by skin.

Acid mornings
muscles tight
strangles hope
too fucked to fight.

Brain fog
heart racing
restless legs
endless pacing.

Adrenal glands
pumping
fear and despair
nobody knows
no one cares.

Empty
on the inside
empty outside
nowhere to run
nowhere to hide.

Misery
personified
the torture hour
mind running
a mile a minute
in the shower.

Everything good
turns to shit
cortisol
coursing
from
head to foot.

Wondering
if it will
ever end
sinking
slowly
the forever descend.

Cortisol
my disease
takes no
prisoners
impossible
to appease.

 Upper Street Walks
City Road Talks

Jasmine saved me
and loved me
a love I couldn't return
on Upper Street we walked
on City Road we talked
nights spent in
black and white.

After work we sweated
London air
and long nights
kisses in a
Moorfields elevator
Sunday roasts
and Guinness pints.

In a heart locker
I know she knows
words I couldn't return
Upper Street walks
and City Road talks
not forgetting nights
spent in black and white.

(no) Control 

I've no fucking impulse control
I've got no control of my impulses at all
I see what I want
and I fucking go for it
no matter the cost
no matter the loss
I jump in with eyes wide open
always hoping
but the end result is always the fucking same
it's a game
a blame game
and I've got nobody to blame
but myself.

Fucking hell man
will I ever change
rearrange my brain
embrace the sane
instead of losing myself
to madness
suffering sadness
because of my badness
is there any fucking hope
and could I cope
if there was?

I've got to get my shit together
it's now or never
it's now
or not at all
before I fall into the chasm
a tormented spasm
that is my every living
fucking minute
it's my life
and I'm in it
can't stop it
even if I wanted
I'm fucking haunted
remain undaunted
history repeats
ad infinitum.

 George Street Reflections

George Street rain left
me humbled
skin soaked
and heart broke.

The sun poked through
above St Andrew's Square
not my sun shine
because she's not there
and if I could
take it all back
show her my heart
my love for her
I would declare.

Big puddles reflect
the Assembly Rooms
which are as empty
as I feel inside.

No Mr Blue Sky
for me
since she set me free
and I've nowhere left to hide.

How I wish I could
live in my reflection
to live my life in reverse
in that rippled world
she would be my girl
and in her love
I would submerse.

But I'm not my
mirror image
I'm not as lucky as he
all alone in the cold
going grey
and growing old
wishing she was
still here with me.

 Scott Monument

Undercover
I sat with Scott
the sky above us grey and heavy
like my frame of mind
this time she was gone for good.

Wet walkers waltzed past Walter and me
soaking feet and dripping noses
at least they had each other
not me
she set me free.

Walter sat sodden and silent
Princes Street laughed at my predicament
the rain lashed and bounced off buses
passengers smiled
in the smir
I waited for God knows what.

The damp didn't deter the tourists
ignoring my pain
they snapped Scott photos
35mm Kodak colour
whilst my heart broke
nobody spoke
they pointed up.

The rain stopped temporarily
and I left Walter to his tartan clad friends
my misery didn't end
by Bruntsfield I was
bone cold and broken.

 Skudiburgh Siren

The sound of the siren
drew me to the Skudiburgh shore
sea green and salt soaked
I submerged breathing air no more.

With a leaden sky smirring cold
a Waternish wind driving water to bone
the Stack stands resolute and uncomplaining
a millennia spent alone.

And still I sink into into the sea hags arms
cold comfort love and barnacle charm's
my life lost under the frothy brine
my sea soul left to skulk the shore for all time.

 Flying High

In a dream
I flew high above
Arthur's Seat
my eagle eye
focused on the old
Royal Infirmary.

Far below
the Salisbury Crags
gouged air
and I swooped
and soared
on thermals.

Wings across
the city
steeples for people
piercing clouds
sky castles
and blinding sunlight.

I drifted towards Leith
high above the Forth
dive bombing
the bridges
sea salt
and rust red.

Pentland bound
low to the ground
on a cushion of air
I swear
hill high again
in the distance
Barclay Church bell tolled
and I'm fading
still flying
gravity gripped
my alarm wakes me.

 Montpelier’s

Outside Montpelier’s we sat
cold Miller bottles
amber body
slight white head
a rare
Edinburgh afternoon
sun
no wind.

Bruntsfield bustled
we smiled
early shift done
and dusted
we waved at buses
No 16
nobody waved back.

And we drank
we deserved it
eyeing up
the waitress
cute
blonde
not interested.

We continued
to drink
and smile
and laugh
passers-by not as happy as us.

Starving I ordered grub
fresh mussels
in a Stilton sauce
yum yum
for my tum tum
more beer please.

Afternoon turned to evening
shadows long
and gangly
rubber men
with rubber legs
that's what the beer does.

 The (Capital) City

It only took a moment
it was love, man
love at first night
cold and cool
my first night on the Walk
let's talk to Joseph
and a pint of Tartan.

1984, man
not Orwell
but mines
the Capital and me
set free
and funky
love's a bitch
an itch
I scratched.

Days and nights
hungover
and happy
me
my love
my city
I wore the name
on my sleeve
like a high school letter
E.D.I.N.B.U.R.G.H.
let the games begin.

Dark days too
it wasn't all light
nights of heartbreak
I couldn't take
but I did
Festival fireworks
lit up the sky
and my eyes.

Lothian Road
the Burnt Post
jukebox hits
beer flowed
sometimes
tears
with beer
but it was worth it
wasn't it?

Nursing
and nightlife
hand in hand
listening to bands
in the Jailhouse
let loose in the Cowgate
it was great
with headaches
and early shifts.

My city
my time
it was fine
and dandy
and randy.

A decade of decadence
and hearts and flowers
it was our time
to embrace
Bruntsfield Place
my heart
my home
sometimes alone
but not always.

Sunshine and rain
winter sleet and snow
I know
so do you
it was ours for the taking
before we got old
less bold
with kids and a life
and a wife
we were young once.

 Medical Admissions at the Royal

A nightmare
on medical admissions
talk about being run of your feet
an exquisite torture
a late shift
a Friday night.

Short staffed
and overworked
beds empty
for seconds
full for hours
every patient needing attention
bedpans
and beakers
full of cold tea.

Starched corners
and ruddy red hands
blood pressures and bed baths
IV's and extravasation
piston pumps and air bubbles
alarms beeping
students crying
an old woman climbing over cot sides.

And it's only teatime
porters coming
and going
patients old
patients new
patients breathless
and patients blue
secretions aplenty
throaty and thick.

My neck and my back
brittle and broken
lights down
confusion abounds
Bedlam
and more bed pans.

Still the patients
come
a river of bodies
fast flowing
from it's A&E source
never-ending
the gift that keeps giving
and the paperwork
don't get me started.

Our salvation appeared
in the shape of night Nurses
earth angels with tired eyes
in the half-light
we bid goodnight
who were we kidding
nights were worse than days.

 Meadow's Strange

That night was strange
the gloaming light
had changed
the Meadows
colours rearranged
dark light
Illuminated
as I ruminated
shadow people passed
ebony
and I ameliorated.

Light from the Royal
filtered through trees
uninterrupted
carried on the breeze
an air of mystery
which I was unable
to solve
I picked up
my step
in the hope
of being absolved.

Middle Meadow now
tar black foot path
distant mouths laugh
but not mine
the clock tower
time told me
mines had run out
hopelessness sucked
the life from my bones
every cell in my body screamed
for me to go home.

 Love, Edinburgh Style

Cherry Blossom
day dreams
Meadows
fertile and green
walking hand in hand
with my lady
sunshine sky
blue and pristine.

Middle Meadow Walk
alive with freshly
sprayed cologne
full of beautiful people
happy and sad
living and loving
in the Superunknown.

High Street high
cobblestone
underfoot
kissing lips kissing
fruity and sweet.

South Bridge
sojourn
in a
love happy glow
aimlessly walking
no place to go.

Parading on
Princes Street
my beauty by my side
everything’s in the open
there's nothing to hide.

Love words
on Lothian Road
the journey
almost done
lost in each other
two become one.

Bruntsfield bedroom
arms and legs
entwined
for one special day
I was hers
and she was mine.

 Stair Door

Bruntsfield
my stair door
heavy
brown
busted buzzer
first floor
my kingdom.

Living room walls
brown wallpaper
weird flowers
gas fire
grimy windows
Links eyes
half shut
till I washed them.

Summer love
winter wonderland
night shifts at the Royal
Big Breakfast on TV
sleep
hard to come by
nightshift
nightmare
tired
Arthurs seat
sun up
sun down.

Drunk and orderly
hungover
in and out
of love
lust good
love best
winter shivers
rain
rain
rain.

A decade of
ups and downs
madness
and mirth
love and loss
frozen shower
late shift best
early shift bad
lives saved
lives lost
ebb and flow
like the Forth.

Kings Bar
Warsteiner
stolen kisses
the Old Toll
with my pals
not old
young
fun and frolics
late nights in Reflections
slapped face
in Coasters.

Memories
happy and sad
time flows
like the Forth
washing memories
out to sea
me
my pals
me
my loves
afloat
God knows where.

Bruntsfield
my stair door
still there
brown
heavy
buzzer working
my life
my love
trapped beneath the floorboards
absorbed into the walls
windows clean
not like when I lived there.

 Precipice

We were at the precipice
just holding it together
clinging to each other
it couldn’t last forever.

We needed one and other
that much was clear
the brief time we spent
will always be dear.

And then it was over
our path and our past
soul deep and sweet
those memories will last.

 Blackout

It was the long night of 1973
the lights of Galloway Street
one by one disappeared
no shop signs or corridor lights
everywhere turned bitumen black
the deadlights spread
from the tenements
to the maisonettes
and the Balgrayhill flats.

Creepy corners enveloped in darkness
long black corridors
ghost filled with fun
kids ran riot chapping doors on the run
Eveready torches lightsabres so bright
paraffin fumes permeated the Springburn night.

Days were boring and we longed for sunset
the dark asphalt our playground dry or wet
candle kings raked in a fortune
emptying purses and pockets
we shivered beneath old winter jackets
the caretaker chasing us for making a racket.

It wasn't all fun and frolics
during the power cut years
nae telly for us weans
left us drowning in tears
cheese and jam pieces was all that we ate
with nae heat for our dinner
our diet was not great
necessity is the mother of invention
so we were told
screaming Sunday bath kids
being scrubbed in water ice cold.

Fireworks occasionally lit up the night sky
a temporary illumination
a beautiful surprise
let there be light
the council man announced
and we all jumped for joy
three bars blazing red
to warm up us cold girls and boys.

For most the power cuts
are a dim distant memory
resigned to the past
no more phantasm filled closes
from Bible John we ran
our dad's were merry
the Spring Inn opened it's doors
bedside lamps
kitchen fluorescent
living room incandescent
until the dark was no more.

 Ordinary Day

Blue sky framed the photograph
Polaroid colours squared and warm
cherry blossom guards of honour
daisy chain strung in a row
Middle Meadow Walk a river of people
and I just go with the flow.

The Royal Infirmary was my touchstone
within it's walls my purpose was clear
chlorine scented corridors
filled with trolleys and chairs
in wards we calmed the patient's fear.

Lauriston Place after a late shift
the summer breeze a welcome relief
tartan clad tourists on open top buses
stare at our castle in disbelief.

There's joy in the air on Bruntsfield Place
the Golf Tavern is filled to the brim
pints of lager are downed
and smiles abound
on the Links putters hope for a win.

Outside my stair door I stared at the trees
fleshy green tentacles wave to passersby
an ordinary day in an extraordinary city
whose beauty nobody can deny.

On Blackford Pond

Hope floats on Blackford pond
but what hope is there for me
in a mist of madness
under a canopy of green
I struggled to set myself free.

Sat on a wooden bench
an organic statue with
heart made of clay
watching pristine white
swans paddle
on moribund water
is how I spent my day.

An overcast sky
crowned my head
thick and heavy like my brain
in the breeze the trees
swayed left and right
singing silently tuneless
and mundane.

A place as empty
as my head and soul
colours softened by
the changing season
she was gone and I remained
searching for a rhyme and reason.

On cue the heavens opened
straight rain soaked me to the bone
still I sat
uncaring
and uncared for
what was the point of going home. 

 The Dean Bridge

The colours of Spring
were in full effect
the air was daffodil
scented and sweet
dreams were possible
and I day dreamed
on the Dean Bridge
walking to work
at the Nuffield
Transplant Unit.

A street warming
sun shone
a sharp breeze
whistled past my ears
voluptuous
cotton wool white clouds
floated high above
I took a deep breath
oxygenating my brain
and body.

Leaning over
watching
the Water of Leith
slow moving
but determined
sunbeams danced
and sparkled
on the Diamonte surface
new green grew
on both banks.

Trees vibrated
their winter was over
new buds lined
branches
chlorophyll green
and gorgeous
and the Dean Village
painting perfect
but who can afford
live there?

Five minutes felt
like a life time
my body infused
my spirit renewed
life and love
promising
I was even
looking forward
to my late shift.

 Castle Confidante

On a warm Friday evening
walking down Lothian Road
passing the Usher Hall
not sure where my feet
were taking me
not sure of anything at all.

A number 16 bus roared in front of me
belching and coughing
towards Colinton
and I kept on walking
thinking about what I'd done.

I crossed Princes Street at Frazer's
smiling folk surrounded my space
it was me that did the damage
and tears rolled down her face.

I needed to get away from the traffic
needed sometime to think
Princes Street Gardens my refuge
as the sun began to sink.

By the bandstand I sat on the grass
staring up to the castle rock
our City fortress under a pink sky
asked if I needed to talk.

The Castle has always been there for me
indeed a friend when I needed
this time I was beyond help
past warnings had gone unheeded.

The air was perfumed by petrol
and freshly cut green grass
in the rocks shadow
I promised myself
the hurt I caused would be the last.

How long did I sit on my own
what advice did the castle give
in silence I left my solitary spot
carrying the guilt with which I had to live.

Sauntering along to the Mound
my mind made up
my action's clear
the city I love was my saviour
I knew I had nothing to fear.

 Low Winter Moon

The moon is low tonight
from the High Street
I can almost touch with my hand
dazzled by the bright winter moonlight
stretching across the land.

It's well after the witching hour
the Tron Kirk clock tells me it's three
anarchy smiles in the Royal Mile
with a ghost or two following me.

There's a frost blanket covering the road
cobblestone grey and twinkling
there's a bunch of students in front of me
a Waterboys song they're singing.

Shadows dance with drunken delight
whispering as I pass each stair
streetlights serenade lovers young and old
as street spirits pass through unaware.

All around there's an essence
of other worldliness
an intangible feeling of connectedness
of what once was and forever shall be
living breathing buildings of bricks
and mortar
where the dead live abundantly.

Seeds  

The seeds were sown
by my own hand
ploughed deep
the doubt
began grow
I know
I have only myself
to blame
no one else
the game I played
is a bogey.

And it hit me
like a battering ram
an Edinburgh tram
driven deep
into my heart
the start of the decline
the fine line between
sane
and it's opposite.

Self medication
mitigated
for a while
but the dam was crumbling
and I was fumbling
in the
in the park
on my own again
naturally.

A bumper summer harvest
raw emotions
stacked in a field
skin layers peeled
to the bone of the body
until I was nobody
a scarecrow
empty eyes
hanging in the sun.

It was easy to predict
this predicament
the hints were there
knocking
on the big
wooden door
of my stair
my thousand yard stare
left me bare
rebirth
my reward
or punishment?